I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it hurts more in the daytime
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
