i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
