I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
