after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
