She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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