I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
