Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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