i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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