I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
