I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
