So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
