My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
