Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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