i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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