I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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