my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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