I don't think brook has ever known best
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
