"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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