That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
