Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Don't make out with my wife yet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
