Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
