It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
