Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
