Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ketchup is God's man juice
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
