just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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