Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
