Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
