My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
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dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
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You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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