Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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