the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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