i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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