is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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