you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
