I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
