i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
