it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
