I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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