At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
