Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
