can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
