I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
