we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
