Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
