The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
