Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
