Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
