batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
