Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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