Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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