The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
handjob tips. give me some.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
