Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
