I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone came in the potted fern
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
