so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
