i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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