I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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