Plan B is the new Plan A
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize