Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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