get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
