I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
