They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
