Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
