Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
