Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
