Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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