East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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