My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
