i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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