do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
