thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
