i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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