fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
