Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Even my vagina gasped.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
