I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
