Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
