Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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