the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
